I think I understood myself a bit more after so many things had happen.
This time failure is also part of that person caused. I began to understand why I need a partner now but I dare not have it. Is also thank to that person who caused all my life upside down. And I had to live with it.
When other people had family, I do also have a family but a broken one. Why my family so broken? partly I guess also that person caused it but partly also my parent didn't do their parent job well.

I'm sick of this home that caused me to be a loner. Even I had friends around me, I couldn't tell everyone about my situtation. Because everyone had their own family or personal problem. And they are just my friends, no matter how close they are to me, I don't really wish to trouble them.

That why I need a partner, not just any kind of partner, who can really help me to carry my burden with me. But I couldn't find it until lately I notice someone who she also carry a burden long ago but with a diffrent situtation. When she told me that she don't have daddy's love, I want to tell her that she better than me since I don't even have any love from my parents. But I couldn't say anything more becos I don't know what to do too.

That why I guess people like us, someday when we found our lifetime partner, we will not let our next generation suffer what we been through.

Failure to me is not a problem as long as I contiune to walk forward. Because with all the failure I made, I understood the pain more than anyone els.

Death to me is not an issue as long as I don't have a family or a love one to protect. That why if I happen to pass away due to any illness, that will be my fate.

Love to me is a great wall that I had to climb over. To love someone is not an easy task as there is alot of responsibility to take care.

I can slove my friends problem but I can't slove my problem no matter how great I as a problem solver. So will my life change after that person pass away or when I found my true parther? I don't know and I want to know. For now the only solution I could do is to move to another room to hide from .........

Lately I been in a position where I do not know which path to take at a crossroad.
Because all the paths were not wrong nor right paths.